Summary: Never Go Back By Henry Cloud
Summary: Never Go Back By Henry Cloud

Summary: Never Go Back By Henry Cloud

You will never again . . .

  1. Return to what hasn’t worked
  2. Do anything that requires you to be someone else
  3. Try to change another person
  4. Believe that you can please everyone
  5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit
  6. Trust someone or something flawless
  7. Take your eyes off the big picture
  8. Neglect to do due diligenc e
  9. Fail to ask why you are where you are
  10. Forget that your inner life produces your outer success

The above are realizations that successful people live by. And successful people all got where they are the same way.

In every area of life, successful people change and grow into success via a predictable path that both experience and research document, and that the Bible describes and commands. They understand the very real consequences of doing things in an unproductive way; they “get it” in a way that transforms them, and they never go back to doing it the old way. The key realizations for success in all areas of life and the pathway to implementing those realizations are what you will learn about in this book.


Never Again . . . Return to What Hasn’t Worked

Never go back to what hasn’t worked.

When considering going back, think of it this way: next year is next year, not last year. Tomorrow is tomorrow, not yesterday. God has designed life in a way that is forward moving. As time moves forward we grow, develop, and transform into newer, more complete and mature lives. Unless . . . we are stuck. And there is no better way to remain stuck than to repeat what has already been. The last thing you want to do is relive the past all over again. Tomorrow should be new and improved—always!


Never Again . . . Do Anything That Requires You to Be Someone You’re Not

Never go back to doing something that requires you to be somebody else.

Trying to be someone else simply will not work longer than a little while. The real you will come out in various ways, fighting on the outside—actively or passively—or dragging you down from within. Personhood—as God has designed it—is something to be fed, nurtured, matured, grown, and expressed. If it isn’t, it ends up expressing itself in negative ways .


Never Again . . . Try to Change Another Person

Never go back to thinking you can change someone.

We can never take over another person’s freedom to choose. Once we understand this, we never go back to thinking we can. We get in touch with the way God has designed the universe. People are not robots; they are free to choose what they want and what they will do and what they won’t do.


Never Again . . . Believe That You Can Please Everyone

Never go back to trying to please other people.

The reality is that everyone likes something different, has different agendas, tastes, interests, beliefs, and experiences. It is literally impossible to make everyone happy, even within your closest circle of friends. You are going to like and choose some things that some people won’t like or choose. That is reality. Basically the only way to avoid upsetting anyone is to believe, say, or do nothing at all. Not a good option. Once you realize that, and really, really get it, something happens.


Never Again . . . Choose Short-Term Comfort over Long-Term Benefit

Never go back to avoiding short-term pain when it leads to long-term benefits

A moment of pain can lead to a long time of relief, if we are willing to go through what successful people go through all the time—face a season of pain, disruption, discomfort, effort, or something that hurts a bit. Then we can have what we want.


Never Again . . . Trust Someone or Something Flawless

Never go back to being taken in by someone or something that looks perfect

Two things happen if you buy into their façade.

First, you will be in for a rude awakening. No one is perfect, and if you were counting on a certain person being so, you will be greatly disappointed.

Second, when something goes wrong and you call this person into account, you get only denial and defensiveness. Good luck trying to resolve a problem.

A better way? Do not desire or trust “perfect” people or situations. Seek out people who have incredible goodness as well as an ownership of their lack of goodness. Such people are working on flaws, learning from them, and desiring to do better.


Never Again . . . Take Your Eyes Off the Big Picture

Never go back to losing the big picture.

When troubling events occur, take heart—and for good reason. It is just one event. The bigger picture is that God has overcome the world and all of its trouble, and he will help you overcome this trouble, too. Our journey is much bigger than any one event, and it’s a journey we can successfully complete in the end. We will be victorious if we stay close to God and follow what he tells us to do.


Never Again . . . Neglect to Do Due Diligence

Never go back to taking the easy path and failing to do due diligence .

whatever you are giving due diligence to can be done quickly or slowly, depending on two things: how good we are at seeing and how visible the reality is. Successful people know when they are good at seeing something, and they also know whether the reality can actually be seen. If either of these two are lacking, successful people do not move forward in anything of substance. They wait until they can see and until the reality can be seen. Said another way, “How is my vision?” and “How visible is the reality of what I am looking at?”


Never Again . . . Fail to Ask Why You Are Where You Are

Never go back to ignoring the part you play in being where you are.

What the Bible teaches, and what all psychological research validates, is that we play a part in our life situations. Our appetites, our needs, our views of life, our biases, our tastes, our hurts, fears, issues, and backgrounds—all play a role in what we do. Who we are on the inside plays a role in many situations in which we find ourselves.


Never Again . . . Forget That Your Inner Life Determines Your Outer Success

Never go back to forgetting that life is lived inside out.

Only 10 percent of our happiness comes from the circumstantial, or external. Our thinking often goes like this: “If I just had more money, or that particular job, or that relationship, or that house, or were married, or were single, or lived in that neighborhood, or could retire, or, or, or, or—then I would be happy .” But research reveals that circumstances contribute only about 10 percent to our happiness and well-being! When we do have some change in circumstances, we get a “bump” of only around 10 percent, and then go right back to our “set point” of who we are as a person . Said another way,

We are who we are; outside circumstances do not change who we are on the inside.


The Truth About Self-Help

Physics teaches us that a closed system runs down and gets sicker over time. Leave your young kids at home alone for a weekend and see if the house is neater when you return. Left unto themselves, not a big chance .

But any system can be reversed by becoming an “open system” and taking in from the outside what is needed for the changes required. Just like your computer opens its system to the network to download software updates, when we open ourselves to others, we download the updates we need for our own programming.

To make sure you “never go back” to old ways that don’t work, do not remain a closed system unto yourself.

Look to God and others for the new energy and information you need. When you do, you are doing exactly what the Bible says to do and exactly what scientific research has proven to work.