How to make people like you is just the beginning. Connecting with anyone in any situation and maintaining those connections while staying cool, calm, and collected under pressure is a skill that others will envy you for beyond belief.
Method 1 – It’s About the Smile
“When you’re smiling , the whole world smiles with you.” – Louis Armstrong
Try it. When you next go into a shop, talk to the cashier, pass someone in the street, talk to someone at work, or see your partner when you get into the house. Smile at them. Say hi and beam your best smile in their direction. If you’re introducing yourself to a new customer, make the conscious effort to smile at them, and make yourself as appealing as possible.
Method 2 – Always Make the First Move
“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you . You have to go to them sometimes.” – A . Milne , Winnie – the – Pooh
Make the first move in small situations. This could be talking to the cashier in the shop. It only has to be small talk, but use the opportunity to practice. You can speak to the people around you in a queue, people at work, and even the people you live with. Keep building up your confidence and having these small interactions, and soon you’ll be able to talk to anyone about anything, right from the time you meet them.
Method 3 – Excuse Me. Can You Help Me?
“The power of asking is the key to abundance living.” – Lailah Gifty Akita
Help is not only a sign of intimacy, but more importantly, it’s a sign of trust . You’re saying to that other person, hey I respect you and your opinion, and I trust your judgment on this topic.
Obviously you’re not going to ask a complete stranger to look after your house for you, so start with small favors suitable for the people you’re talking to. For example, if you need help moving house or looking for a lift to the airport, you could ask a coworker. Thank them, maybe get them something to thank them from your vacation, and the favor is sorted.
Method 4 – Mastering the Art of Listening
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. ” – Ernest Hemingway
One great way to become a better listener instantly, is to put yourself inside the mind of the person you’re listening to. Become the person who is talking . This can bring so much more compassion and empathy into your conversations because you can resonate and understand what is being said .
For example, let’s say someone comes to talk to you, and they’ve had a bad day at work. They made a mistake on a project, and they’re worried about getting fired. You could listen to respond and have all these ideas on how things will get better, or they could redeem their mistake or advice on how to accept the situation they’re in.
Method 5 – Improving the Flow of Conversion
“Nothing trumps good conversation.” – Rich Eisen
When you’re answering questions that people have for you, answer the question with detail, giving the other person time to relate and keep the flow of conversation going .
“Hey man, what’s your favorite sport?”
“It’s running on the treadmill at the moment, which is actually quite surprising because I used to hate running. I loved it as a kid but haven’t done it for ages and for some reason just really find it enjoyable. Is that weird?”
Another thing to think about when it comes to keeping the flow of conversation is to make sure that you’re not just talking about yourself the whole time, but you’re asking questions to dive deeper into the other person’s life, and showing a genuine interest in what they have to say and the person that they are as an individual.
Method 6 – Discovering the Reflection of Yourself
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What ! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” – C.S . Lewis
Say you start talking about fishing; you may see the other person’s eyes light up, and they’ll start talking about all these different aspects of fishing with real excitement. If this happens, then you know you’ve found something the other person is interested in.
You don’t want to jump straight in and say you caught the biggest fish ever and everyone loved you, and it was amazing because you’re just making the conversation about yourself. You need to edge information out of the other person. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about yourself, but instead lead with the other person.
First, listen to what the other person is saying to get hints about what kind of interests they have. Keep chatting until there’s a topic that interests you both, and then dive into, asking them questions to explain more. Add in your own stories and experiences, but not in a boasting light, but in a way that progresses the conversation.
Method 7 – Choosing the Right Friends
“Young people, choose your friends wisely. There’s an old saying, show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” – Unknown
Be selective with who you want to be and get people who can help you get there. Naturally, you’ll also be having the same effect on their life. That’s not to say you can’t talk to anyone outside of your friendships. It’s all well and good to have acquaintance friends and people you just have small talk with and just relax, maybe have a drink with every once in a while. There’s nothing wrong with that. You need to be thinking about who your close friends are and who you’re going to give the time and energy to while allowing them into your inner circle.
Method 8 – Share Experiences. Make Memories.
“We do not remember days, we remember moments.” – Cesare Pavese
Solid and fulfilling relationships require positive experiences. These could be anything from going somewhere or doing an activity together, or even being there for someone during a hard time. Being the person who turns negative experiences into positive experiences is another great way to build relationships, but you can’t rely on this to happen. Focus on creating positive experiences from scratch.
Method 9 – How to Open Up and Become Vulnerable
This takes courage. You may not feel like you’re ready now, but that’s okay . You can build up to that over time. This is why it’s wrong to see being vulnerable as a sign of weakness because, in fact, it’s one of the strongest and most powerful things you can do.
I’m also not saying that you need to lay everything out on the table to one person straight away. You wouldn’t go on a date and lay out all your baggage on the first night. The best thing to do is to take one thing at a time .
Method 10 – Opening Your Door to the World
Your real self may be hiding somewhere, look for it within, when you find yourself, you can freely be what you want to be.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
Go into the activity with an open mind and give it your best shot. If you don’t enjoy yourself, then that’s fine. You’re not going to enjoy everything, and you’ve still taken another step on your journey when it comes to understanding yourself. However, if you try something new and absolutely love it, you’ve opened a brand new door, of which there are plenty of beautiful new experiences for you to try.
Method 11 – Unconditionally Giving and Not Taking
“Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting” – Unknown
During my time in sales, a lot of my work was focused on making my boss happy, and it made me resent what I did. Sure, the aim of the game is to make the customer happy and get good results, but I wasn’t working to my standards (you could say my boundaries), but I was seeking out the validation of my boss. When I switched my mindset to working as hard as I could to get a project done to the best of my ability, and I looked at it and thought, Yes, this is exactly what I’m aiming for, success came to me in ways I could never have imagined beforehand. When you’re going throughout your life, start doing things for yourself, and validating yourself. Tell yourself you’ve done a job well, and treat yourself with the kindness you’d want from others .
Method 12 – Words: The Power of Light and Dark Magic
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use your power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
For example, when you go to work and you “have to” work on that latest project, you say this to a colleague, and it gives the impression you’re forced to do something, you’re complaining, or resisting reality. It’s a bit of a moan, and doing this too often isn’t going to win you any friends. Instead, you could say something like, “I get to work on that new project.” This portrays excitement in what you’re doing, and even though you’re only working, it creates a whole new impression of how you’re looking at work and how others see you doing work.
Method 13 – Becoming More Charismatic
“Charisma is the fragrance of soul.” – Toba Beta
Putting yourself in or simply accepting uncomfortable situations, rather than running from them, basically forces you to expand your comfort zone. This will help you grow as an individual, rather than remaining stagnant and where you are. This means you’ll be open to new opportunities, thus becoming more outgoing and then being more naturally charismatic.
Being an emotional person is not a great place to be. Now, I don’t say this because emotions are bad. Emotions are useful because they’re a clear indication of who we are as individuals and what we care about. However, if you allow your emotions to consume you and take over, this is where things can get problematic. It’s like when you’re driving, and someone cuts you off or messes up, and you get this momentary rage ripple through you. You have a choice whether you let that emotion take control of you and ruin your day, or you choose to let it go and not bother you.
Method 14 – Everything You Need to Know about Confidence
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” – Oprah Winfrey
When you can freely be yourself and truly embrace who you are, there’s no reason to spend energy on hiding yourself. When you’re true to yourself and reflect this to the people around you, you’ll be able to be your genuine, confident self where you’ll have nothing to hide from anyone. This naturally invites new opportunities for relationships because people know who you are and genuinely relate to you.
Method 15 – Your Outside Reflects Your Inside
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde
It pays to look after yourself and to treat your body with respect, both for the attraction of others and for boosting the confidence you have in yourself. If you look and feel the part of the person you want to be, everything else will fall into place naturally.
Method 16 – Trust is Everything
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – Unknown
Remember, your words have the ability to create magic, and it’s up to you what spells you cast. The best relationships are formed between people who can be open and honest, even if it would be easier not to. This will create a huge amount of respect for you among the people in your relationships, and the trust will only help strengthen these connections.
Method 17 – Time: Quality Over Quantity
“Relationships are built on small, consistent deposits of time. You can’t cram for what’s most important. If you want to connect with your kids, you’ve got to be available consistently, not randomly.” – Andy Stanley
So, the best thing to do here is to take a step back and find balance. Hand in hand with creating memories and having positive experiences with people, don’t spend all your time with other people you’re close to but remember to be an individual and live your own life. The other people in your relationships shouldn’t be your entire life, but rather people that complement it and are a part of it.
Method 18 – Developing Patience for the Journey
“To lose patience is to lose the battle.” – Mahatma Gandhi
There are endless ways to be more patient. You could meditate, journal, and even write affirmations on your hands to remind yourself to be more patient throughout the day. I tried setting alarms on my phone tagged with “be more patient” texts to remind me at random times. However, the one key way to become more patient, and the act that worked for me was simply to breathe.
I suppose this is a kind of meditation, but it didn’t matter what I was doing or who I was with. I started working on the habit of taking a deep breath before doing or saying anything. I didn’t make it super obvious, but it was more of a mindful breath . Even in favorable situations, like hanging out with friends, this was something I did.
Method 19 – The Power of Forgiveness
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” – Bryant H . McGill
Every person on the planet is a human being and only a human being. It seems obvious, but so many of us forget that being human means we can make mistakes, and we’re guaranteed to make many throughout our lives. We’re going to hurt other people at some point , even when we try not to, and other people are going to hurt us. However, no matter what, learning about the power behind forgiveness can change everything.
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