An Unintended Life
At all times in our lives we have two choices: get closer to or further away from what we want. Yet so many of us go through life like a leaf blown around by the wind, letting the driving force be the wind that decides where we end up. We either have no clarity about what we want, or we know what we want but don’t live a life in accordance with it.
We let the relationships we experienced in our childhood shape what we expect of our future relationships or we date someone who will not be able to build with us the type of family we want. We let our economic situation, our ethnic background, or our nationality become obstacles that prevent us from reaching our goals, and we let our boss’s mood dictate whether or not we will have a good day at work. We somehow decide that we will let everyone and everything around us tell us the kind of life we will have.
It’s easy to give away our power because then we never have to look at our lives and realize it’s mainly on us. Being responsible for our lives can feel scary, so instead we ask our family, our friends, or God to save us. We pray and wish someone would change something so we could finally be happy, and when they don’t, we settle comfortably in the idea that our unintended life is not our fault. The issue with this, though, is that you get what others decide is best for you, and it’s rarely what you wanted in the first place. And then you find yourself regretting the life you have and wishing you had done things differently.
“I can’t because . . .”
Know that this voice will come up, and it will come up often. As you hear this little voice in your head when you read each of the steps, know that it is not your voice. It is one of the many voices that you heard when you were little that have become the recording that plays in your head, over and over. Sometimes it is the voice of our mamás blackmailing us into doing what the family expects of us, and sometimes it is the voice of our teachers telling us we are not smart enough.
“I have to be and do all of these things.”
were impossible to meet. As you read this book, give yourself the space to be who you are and be honest when you can’t do it all. It doesn’t mean you can’t have it all; it just means you may need to ask for help. It’s okay; we were never meant to walk this path alone. Don’t buy into the idea that you have to be perfect or that you have to ¡Ser fuerte, mijita! (Be strong, my daughter!). If you feel sad, seek help from a professional. If you feel tired, delegate, postpone, and take a nap. If you feel rushed, slow down and smell the roses.
“I want it now!”
If you are told that there is a way to have everything in your life, it is normal that you’ll want everything to manifest now. But please do not fall into the trap of focusing only on stuff.
this process is so much more than about getting stuff, it is about creating a life of peace and joy that stays with you regardless of the circumstances of your life. It is about becoming the person you are meant to be and living the life you want for yourself. Be patient and trust in the Universe. Any other feeling besides trust is sending the energy of fear and doubt to the Universe. Relax. Breathe. And enjoy the ride.
Step 1: Clarity: Define Your Bliss
Everything starts with knowing what you want. Want to go shopping? The store that you choose will depend on what you are hoping to buy. Going to a place you have never been before? You need to know the destination in order to get a map. Want to cook something tonight? You need to know what you will be cooking in order to make sure you have all the ingredients.
When you don’t have clarity about what you want, it’s impossible to live an intentional life. Clarity is like the glass in a prism, which when combined with the sun produces those gorgeous color reflections on every surface it shines on. Without clarity, the sun, which in this case is the Universe, cannot deliver on the beauty that we seek. It still brings its light to our life, but in a more general way that continues to provide well-being without specifically delivering the beautiful colors that will make our life rich and enchanting, and without the individual hues that will make our heart sing and move our energy forward.
Without clarity our world is dull.
Step 2: Collaboration: Let the Universe Be Your Concierge
The Law of Attraction is the universal law that says that everything that exists first started as thought. It is a law just like the law of gravity that keeps our feet on the ground or the law of conservation that tells us that neither matter nor energy is created or destroyed, only transformed.
We don’t need to think about these laws to make them happen—they just happen. They are always reliable. We wake up and our feet hit the ground, whether we like it or not, because of the law of gravity. This law keeps cars on the roads, makes apples fall from the trees, and ensures amazing Olympic divers hit the pool every time. It is consistent, meaning it is always true. We may not be able to predict who will win the next soccer World Cup, but we can always be sure that gravity is working for us.
The Universe takes care of all of this for us. It is the same with the Law of Attraction. It is always happening. The Law tells us that everything has a vibration. The Universe’s natural vibration is the highest there is. This is the overall vibration of well-being.
Step 3: Commitment: Step by Step
Here is the thing: There is NO bigger energy in the Universe than action. The Universe listens to action and says, “I see you are serious; let’s do this!”
After all, you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. It takes inspired action.
Inspiration is “a sudden good idea,” according to the Cambridge Dictionary. Inspiration comes from the Latin inspirare, meaning “into breath” or “breathe into.” Inspiration is the ideas that the Universe breathes into you.
Inspired action is different from ordinary action in that it is aligned with your bigger desire and with the universal energy. When you take inspired action, you may still feel fear or hesitation, but in your mind it is a simple decision to take that action. It feels like the natural next best step. And although it can feel daunting, you know you can do it. It feels within reach, either because you have all the resources needed or because the Universe is providing you with inspiration along the way.
Inspiration can come in the way of comments from others, through advertising, through your favorite TV show, a newspaper article, or meeting someone who has followed it before. It can also come through dreams or ideas that appear in your mind suddenly. Once inspiration comes, the next step becomes clear and feels manageable.
Step 4: Curiosity: Understanding Fear and Its Many Disguises
We all created stories about ourselves that were meant to keep us safe, and we let them build a wall around us that kept us away from anything that is uncertain and unknown. The voices in our head are the voices we heard as a child: “Don’t do that or you will hurt yourself”; “Good girls don’t do that”; “If you loved me you would be good”; and “¿Qué dirán?” (“What will people say?”). The people who said those things to us as children had good intentions. They wanted to show us how the world works, create boundaries, and keep us safe.
The thing is, we let those voices become our own voices and then we allowed them to rule our life. Whenever a new situation appeared that seemed outside our comfort zone, we would hear those voices telling us we would get hurt and shy away from it. We wouldn’t question them; we would just take them as truth and go with it.
A Course in Miracles says there are two emotions: love and fear. It also says that fear has many forms and is unique to the individual, yet all fears have the same source. Fear makes up stories in the person’s head. Fear is the absence of love and it likes to live in the shadows, creating its own stories of dark intentions against us. When you shine a light on it, the fears will melt away and become small, no longer having a protagonist role in your life. Love and compassion are that light, and curiosity is the switch that will turn it on.
Step 5: Compassion: Be Gentle with Yourself
When you are dealing with a sticky place, approach it just like quicksand: You need to remain calm and breathe. Make yourself lighter by letting go of the guilt, regret, and shame you have carried your whole life around this particular area. You also become lighter by embracing all of the fear and the pain that caused the sticky place in the first place.
Being curious helps you shed some light on what it is that you are trying to numb. Compassion helps you lovingly stop your dependence on your sticky place as a coping mechanism.
Compassion starts with acceptance. This is acceptance of what is and of what you may have contributed to get you where you are. It is not about blaming but about accepting reality, as author Byron Katie would encourage. When you don’t accept, you are constantly spending your energy wishing things would be different. Honoring yourself also means being true to yourself and your needs.
Step 6: Continuity: Don’t Let It Get This Bad Again
Continuity is an invitation to stay in constant contact with yourself, becoming aware of feelings that take away your peace—even the little ones, for they are the early warnings of what may become a landslide if you ignore them.
Once you identify an uncomfortable feeling happening, you can go back and become curious about it in an effort to heal or challenge your thoughts about it. You can recognize your triggers and confront them for your growth. You can take compassionate action to help you through a difficult time. You can align your energy back to the energy of well-being by going through your feelings with curiosity and compassion.
At the beginning, expect that this may take time and may require constant reminders to connect. Over time, however, you will be able to distinguish when a feeling is tugging at your sleeve to pay attention and witness it, just like an ignored child seeks their mami’s attention and her gaze when they need someone to comfort them and make them feel safe.
Once you become a witness to your own life, you will start to lose this dependency on having someone else pay attention to it. Your inner self will feel listened to and protected. It will feel seen, and by your compassionate actions you will make your inner self feel safe. In this space, once again you will be able to listen to the whispers of the Universe as the voices in your head no longer feel the need to shout to be heard. The Universe will then talk to you about the inspired plans it has for you. But to get there, you need to be present and willing to get quiet and listen.