Summary: Black Girl In Love By Trey Anthony
Summary: Black Girl In Love By Trey Anthony

Summary: Black Girl In Love By Trey Anthony

Who’s Got Your Back?

Get out your journal. It’s time to do some deep soul searching and examine your closest friendships. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted, then ponder the following prompts:

Gut response: How do you feel when you see your closest friend’s phone number come up on your call display? Is your first response to let the call go to voice mail? Or do you eagerly rush to the phone, dying to share your day and events? How do you feel after a conversation with your friend? Do you feel happy? Inspired? Relaxed? Or do you feel emotionally drained? Bored? Annoyed?

Give and take: What percentage represents how much you think you give to this friendship? 50 percent? 70 percent? No friendship or relationship is balanced all the time; however, the percentages should switch back and forth. You should never be the one who is always giving more of the emotional support while getting little in return. Is your friend always taking from you and not filling up your emotional piggy bank? Also, when you are in need, is she the person you think of calling to share good news and bad?

Growth. Does this friendship help you grow? If you met your friend today at an intimate dinner party, would you be eager to sit next to her? Would you be intrigued by her? Would you want to invite her to your home to meet your significant other or your kids? Would she still be someone you want to be friends with? Would her conversation inspire you? Would her belief system complement yours? Would her drive and dreams inspire you? Would you share the same interests? Would you have enough in common?

Would this friend “hold the baby”? Would this friend be the person you call in your darkest hour? Would this friend be able to hold you and your grief? Would she drop everything and show up at 2 A.M. so you could:

  • Cry
  • Rant
  • Sleep
  • Bury the body! (Just kidding!)

Sis, we all need a friend who we know has our back at all costs.

After completing this exercise, take a few days to think about what you wrote before you take any action. If your current friendships do not add value to your life, you may need to let them go.


Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems

Take a deep breath. Consider meditating before starting this exercise.

Write down your money story starting with these questions: What did the conversations about money look like in your household? Was there enough money? Were you keeping up with the Joneses? Was your family living above their means? What did your father and mother teach you about money?

How do you currently view money? Does it solve all problems? Is it the root of all evil? Is money supposed to be shared or hoarded?

Now write yourself an honest letter. Write down the relationship you would like to have with money. Address any success guilt that you may have.

Make a list of your monthly bills and compare it with your monthly income. Are you living below or above your means?

Highlight any unexpected surprises in your budget. Are you giving money away to family and friends to make them love you? Are you spending a lot of money eating out?


Can We Talk Therapy?

At work, do you have a support person/confidant whom you can trust? If not, who can you access outside of work to be that support person?

In your journal, on a scale of 1 to 10, rate how well you take care of yourself, 1 being low and 10 being high.

Rate your emotional well-being. Are you experiencing any feelings of doom? Are you scared of being in social settings? Or are you feeling irritable? Tired? Emotional? How long has this been going on? Do you suspect that you may be depressed or suffering from anxiety? If so, stop what you’re doing right now and go book an appointment to see a therapist or psychiatrist.

Pick two of the self-help tips such as delegate, exercise, or fun. And for the next two months, commit to using them as you make necessary changes to your life to help you feel better.

Every day affirm, “I am worthy of giving myself time to rest and play.”


Make That Change

Commit to doing mirror work for the next 90 days. Every morning, look yourself in the mirror and say, “__________, I’m so proud of you. I love you. You have worked so hard and deserve all your success.”

Commit to picking one friend from your social media list every Friday and write some encouraging words on their page, expressing how proud you are of them. Let them know that you see them and tell them what a good job they are doing. And if they are a small business owner, shout out their page on your own social media accounts. Give them a call to let them know you’re proud of them.

In your journal, write about how Black girl shame has shown up in your life and how you can address further potential shame in your daily life.


Mindset, Manifestation, and Vision

Write down in your journal critical things you were told about yourself as a child and how those beliefs affect you now as an adult.

Write down three affirmations you can use for active mirror work to help combat negative self-talk.

Get an accountability partner and set a date for you to start a vision board. It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is. Then, create your vision board. If you have one already, revisit it and see what things can be updated and what intentional steps you can take to make some things on your vision board come true.


Love, Sex, and Intimacy

Write down what intimacy and love look like currently in your life.

Write down how you would like that to change.

If you’re in a partnership, set a date with your partner to have a night of intimacy that does not include sex. If you are single, set a date for yourself and prepare for an intimate night alone. What do you need? Candles? Bubble bath? Lotion?


Keep ’da Faith

How has spirituality shown up in your life?

Do you find your spiritual life fulfilling? If not, how can you change that?

When do you feel the closest to the Universe/God? In church? In nature? In the quiet moments before the world fully wakes up?

Write down a dark moment that you thought you would never get through. What did you learn from that moment? Did your faith get you through? How so?


Who Hurt You?

Write down the ways as a child you were disciplined.

How would you have liked discipline to look like as a child?

Write a letter to your inner child and describe how you will protect her from future harm and hurt. Tell her how you will emotionally keep her safe.

If you are a parent are there things that you wish to change or shift in your approach to parenting and discipline?


This Black Girl Is Definitely in Love (with Herself)

If I were a Black gqirl in love with myself . . .

I would need to sit alone with myself to know myself. I would know that being alone does not mean being lonely. I would sit with my fears and figure out why I’m afraid of the dark, scared of silence, terrified of having to sit alone with myself.

If I were a Black girl in love with myself . . .

I would choose healthy relationships. One that helps me grow, makes me a better person, feeds and nurtures me. I wouldn’t settle for anyone else’s husband or man. I wouldn’t sign up for partnerships that are physically or emotionally abusive. I would make it clear that I deserve better.

If I were a Black girl in love with myself . . .

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish myself away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, “I’m going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I’m proud of you! I love you! I love that kink in your hair, your beautiful nose, your widespread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise, walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other women’s bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you.”

If I were a Black girl in love with myself . . .

I would rest. That doesn’t mean I’m lazy or lack ambition. I would light a candle. Read a book. (Perhaps, you can heal your life!) I would do nothing. Sit in my pajamas all day. Bake a chocolate cake and share it if I wish, but perhaps eat it all by myself! The world will not fall apart. I don’t need to be completely drained to do it. The most loving act I can do is take some time for myself.

If I were a Black girl in love with myself . . .

I would have mini conversations with the Universe in my bed, in the shower, at my desk at work. I would thank the Universe for everything she has given me. I would ask the Universe to show me a path. I would trust that everything in my life is in divine and perfect order and that the Universe has a plan bigger for me than I could even imagine! I would dream beyond my circumstances!

If I were a Black girl in love with myself . . .

I would smile at every Black girl, regardless of how they respond to me. I would view them as allies and not my competition! I would cheer their victories as if they were my own! I would connect amazing Black women with each other and encourage them to get to know each other. I would offer to babysit their kids! I would have potlucks and sistah brunches. I would write empowering and loving messages on their Facebook pages. I would send them this piece! I would randomly tweet about how amazing they are. I would encourage my sistahs to be as smart as Michelle, as outspoken as Whoopi, as creative as Shonda, as loving as Oprah, and as wise as Maya.